Why is the Illegal Status of Child Marriages a Secret?

A few weeks ago, a school teacher married a 14-year old girl (Source: The Star). Of course, the government and a female minister (heaven forbid it be a male minister) retaliated. More shockingly, earlier in the year, a man took an 11-year-old as his fourth wife (Source: The Star). The government promised to look into it (Source: The Star). And quite surprisingly, they actually did!

You know what the verdict was? It is this:

The marriage of an 11-year-old Muslim girl to a 41-year-old man has been ruled illegal in Malaysia. An Islamic court judge found the father of the child had had no intention of marrying her off, and that there were elements of threat and force involved.
(Source: BBC News)

You must be wondering what my damage is. Why am I getting uptight about this? Here's the thing.

The response from the Malaysian people was deplorable. The response from the government was from "the government". Nobody took ownership. The only one who did was a woman minister. Some have even come forward to support the marriage of the 14-year-old, and of course, it was a man (Source: The Malay Mail).

Malaysian men seem to not understand that girls at the age of 14 are just that: they're girls. When I was 14, I was young and impressionable, though I would never have admitted it. At that age, I wanted to impress people with how adult and mature I was, and I would have done plenty of things that I wouldn't do now to impress people. At the age of 14, you don't know when you're making a mistake.

When I was 14, I didn't know what I wanted to do with my life. I'm 26 now, and I'm still trying to figure it out. I know people in their mid-30s who still don't know it yet. You think a 14-year-old knows what she wants?

By no means am I belittling her intelligence. She could be very smart and actually ready for this, but she sets a dangerous precedent for other girls her age who are easily talked into things like this. If her parents are not on their guard, if her dad reacts the way Muzli Mohd Din did, who will save her? The Shari'ah court? Hah!

Of course, everybody remembers the case of Bung Mokhtar and Zizie. How they married illegally, and all they had to do was pay RM1,000 (Source: The Star). That was all. A slap on the wrist for putting Bung Mokhtar's family through the shame of finding out that their dad is an ass through the public media.

Men in Malaysia will never stand up for the rights of women in marriage. Our good Minister of Women, Family and Community Development, while she tries, will never overstep her bounds as a Minister of UMNO first and foremost, and the protector of women's rights second.

The result is that men can marry illegally with impunity. Nevermind that by Syari'ah law, they need the permission of their first wives. My damage is that. Exactly that. That men can marry illegally, and when they're brought to the public, the public says, "well, it's his right". It's not his right. It's his privilege. It's a privilege that must be earned, by being wise and caring and fair.

What about his family? What about his kids? If you think you have the balls to have 2 women, then why don't you have the balls to tell your family and kids about it? Why don't they have enough respect for their family to tell them face-to-face instead of having the rest of the world talking about it behind their backs? Why let them find out from the media or from other people? Why hide it? Hiding it means they know it's wrong.

So, of course, the decision of the Syari'ah court wasn't published in Malaysian newspapers. I had to find out about it through BBC News, because Malaysians wouldn't really care about that. Would they?

Some days, the memories remember you

I don't think I think things through enough before I do or say things. I really should look at that in myself.

Most of the time you remember the memories. And just sometimes, some days, you can't control it and the memories remember you. Those memories for which you've worked so hard to say, "this is the past, and that coming up right there is the future".

The Flip Flop

I think, that at the end of it all, I can trace the source of my renewed inspiration to my cousin-in-law, who is up at 5am running a security corporation 6 days a week and studying for his master's degree during whatever remaining time he has left, all the while also being a dutiful husband and father. I thought, if he can get up every Monday and say, "Productive week!" (no, seriously, that's actually what he tweets/FBs/emails/BBM status'), then I can be just as positive.

I've been told that my tweets lately have been really depressing, and I can't say that I disagree. The fact is, though, that I've always been the type of person who vocalises my displeasure or stress, and Twitter provides me with such an easy outlet to vent that I do it all the time without thinking. Throw in the week from hell at work and all the tweets you'll get from me are about me bitching.

I haven't been that bad, though. It's been a tough couple of weeks due to a few things, but it's also been good. I've managed to expunge a few things from my life that I don't want around, and I didn't realise how much has been cleaned up that I can only hope will help me in the new year. It's easier now, and soon I'll hopefully be able to get things where I want them. But if they don't get there, that's okay, too.

In between those things, I've actually had some pretty good times, and in rounding up 2011, I think I need to remember those and hang on to them so that they're not clouded over by the bad experiences.

I've learned (again, it took a long 3 years to learn this) that I need to let things go and be more flexible. I've revived an old phrase for 2011 and I'm using it as my mantra: love, peace and empathy. I always could relate to Cobain.

2010 Round Up

Another year is coming to a close, and I will be spending it in what I hope will turn out to be a most spectacular way. Like a broken record, I'd like to say that this year was like totally ridiculous, and I'm just glad it's over. If I ever get around to printing that "I survived 2008" t-shirt, I'll have to amend that to "I survived 2008-2010".

I mean, is it just that those years were exceptional, or is adulthood really that hard? People around me seem to be happy and carefree. Is it just me? Am I expecting too much?

I do know that I've learned a lesson after 3 long years: Don't trust people so much that you end up being vulnerable. I ventured into the adult world with a certainty that people were inherently good and that if I gave them a chance, surely they would afford me the same respect. Needless to say, I got screwed over.

Now most of my time is spent being upset at the injustices and indignations that I and other people have to suffer, and I vowed to stand up for myself. Why? Because nice guys finish last. On the other hand, being happy go-lucky also means being jaded enough not to care. So either I finish last, or I'm jaded.

This is going around in circles. Let's just say that 2010 was a bitch. I don't expect much more from 2011, but at least I'll be prepared. And probably mostly jaded, so that'll help.

The Passage of Time

Somebody watching Charlie Chaplin movies intently have found what they call proof of time travel - a person walking in the background while holding a hand to the ear and talking, as if it were a mobile phone.

Catch the video at http://bit.ly/hELzwR .

I've seen it. I still want to try and rent/buy the movie on DVD or something so that I can have a proper look myself, but it's entirely possible that the video is showing a person talking into a mobile phone during the 1920s.

Honestly, I'm really not sure what to make of it. I can't say that I don't believe in time travel, because we're advancing at accelerated speeds and are achieving things that couldn't even be dreamt of in the '20s.

I can say, however, that if time travel is possible, that nothing good will ever come from it. Changing history or the future is never a good thing, even if it prevents millions from dying, because you never know what will happen after that.

Customer Service Review: The Maybank Malfunction

What Happened: On Monday (25th October 2010), Maybank experienced a nationwide system failure. All ATMs and Maybank2U ceased to function, and Maybank2e payroll functions were affected. Some got paid 2 months' salary (only for the extra 1 month to be taken away again, sadly), and some didn't get paid.

The Situation:

• Mistake #1 - I went to the ATM to withdraw money, which I needed seeing as how I only had RM10 in my wallet. The ATMs were not working. I asked the concierge what other options I had to withdraw money. She sent me back to the ATMs to try again.
• Mistake #2 - After I had tried 3 more times at the ATMs, I called the call centre and found out that I can withdraw money over-the-counter (which the concierge failed to mention to me), I waited in a growing line of people. Only 2 out of 6 counters were open. 1 person was served in 15 minutes.
• Mistake #3 - After scanning headlines on Tuesday, I found no mention of the Maybank nationwide system failure. As if it were some kind of dirty secret and ignoring it will make it seem like it never happened.

The Result: I have no idea what happened on Monday. I don't know whose fault it was and what steps Maybank is going to take to stop it from happening again. I no longer have confidence in Maybank to safeguard my money and will have to place my money elsewhere. I can only imagine that other people feel the same way. I mean, we're trusting this system that failed epically to safeguard our money.

The Aftermath:

Number of complaints made - 3.

Follow ups - 2.

Maybank has promised to get their IT people to call me and explain. I think they've missed the point that I tried to make repeatedly, which was that they need to inform their customers or they're going to lose them. Nevertheless, I will be one of a small % of people who will have an explanation about what happened to their system, which I will post here in case people go online to look for it.

Just for fun, a lifetime of firsts

The first time I

• Walked into a new school, I hated it and spent every day pretending I was sick so I could go home.
• Got a job, I was a barely 16, a bit nervous, and wondered if that was the start of the rest of my life.
• Drank, I got absolutely wasted and had to be carried out of the bathroom by my sister and cousin. Fun times.
• Found out my parents were human, a part of me died a little bit.
• Drove a car with a valid driving license, I drove it like I drove a go-kart because that was the only thing I knew how to drive.
• Walked into a university tutorial, I was intimidated. I made up for it by talking too much and making a fool of myself.
• Had to live without my parents, I still knew they were taking care of me and that made me feel completely at home, regardless of where I was.
• Fell in love, I knew it wasn't forever, but I loved every minute of it.
• Felt the fear of possibly losing somebody close to me, it was almost too much to handle.
• Was expecting a nephew, I spent the night on eggshells waiting for the call. When it came, it was incredible.
• Graduated from university, I said goodbye to the only life I'd known and ventured into the new world not knowing what to expect.
• Entered the corporate world, I vowed to be true to my pedigree, climb the corporate ladder quickly and make a name for myself.
• Made friends with my colleagues, they became an integral part of my life.
• Met him, I knew for absolute certain that I could spend the rest of my life with him. And it could have been a love story for the ages.
• Switched jobs, I tried to be better at what I did. I'm still trying.
• Really, truly opened myself up to those that cared about me, they shut me out and closed the door. And I made myself comfortable with what I had.
• Had chicken after going vegetarian, it tasted like disgusting fat.
• Felt really and truly alone, my family stepped up to the plate. They're still here.
• Started this blog, I didn't know what it was going to be or what was going to be on it. Now I do.

The Day That Started Out Well

You know what's incredible? I've discovered that most of the things that I thought were a weird thing that I do is actually something that many people do.

Par example, one day I told someone that I had this thing where if my mum reminded me to do something (this was a while back), I would put it off a bit longer even though I was just going to do it, just to prove that her reminding me wasn't what made me do it. Apparently that happens to other people too.

Then there's the other thing that hasn't changed since I was a kid: a small sign from God in the morning on the way to school/work that the day was going to be a good one. It could be anything, from a favourite song coming up on the radio to the light that's usually red being green to buying your favourite nasi lemak for breakfast. Just a small sign from God, and you start having high hopes for the rest of the day, thinking, "Yes, today is going to be a good one".

For me, though, more often than not the high hopes usually come crashing down. Probably because the expectation was too high, and the day that started out on a high note becomes, well, a day that ends with drinks. Guess I really need to stop expecting so much. But that's a part of life, right? The ups and downs. There's always another day tomorrow.

Introducing Ramadhan

Ramadhan is the 9th month in the Muslim calendar, and to roughly 1.2 billion people, it's a very special and holy month. During this time, they devote themselves to abstinence, prayer and helping the community.

Why? Muslims fast for 3 reasons: (1) To commemorate Moses' and Jesus' 40 days of fasting as an act of cleansing in preparation for receiving the word of God (Source: http://sunatullah.com/puasa/asal-mula-puasasaum.html). (2) To cultivate compassion for others by undergoing the hardship of the poor. During the month, Muslims are encouraged to give and share generously with the community, including donating food for the poor. (3) To encourage patience and abstinence.

How? For Muslims, fasting isn't just about abstaining from food and drink. While fasting, Muslims must be patient and not lose their temper, abstain from intercourse, must not allow any object to enter any orifice of the body (activities for health reasons are exempted, e.g. brushing teeth, visiting the dentist, etc) and are encouraged to perform extra prayers. In doing so, Muslims devote themselves to each other and to God for a month and cleanse themselves of impurities.

Except Muslims are exempted from fasting for various reasons, the first and foremost is health. If, for any reason, fasting will affect your health, then you are forbidden from fasting. For example, pregnant women are not encouraged to fast as it may affect the health of the child. Muslims are also exempted from fasting during travel - as during this time they cannot follow the movements of the sun - and if their occupation is physically laborious. In these events, they will have to replace the days missed at any time before the next Ramadhan.

Effect Physically, psychologically and physiologically, people tend to feel better after fasting. Here's why: http://www.ediscoverislam.com/About-Islam/The-religion-of-Islam/why-do-muslims-fast. Personally, I find that after fasting, I feel much more cleansed and it takes much less to satisfy hunger. I feel lighter, healthier and better able to control my own body and myself. It is both a sense of achievement and a better understanding of myself that comes from more prayer, partial abstinence and patience during trying times.

Others Who Fast Fasting is not restricted to Muslims. Jews fast for 25 hours, and while Christians don't specifically have to fast, they must still abstain from something for 40 days during Lent. The Baha'is have a similar ritual of fasting for 28 days a year. Fasting is also an integral part of the Hindu religion, especially during religious festivals. In all mentioned religions, the aim of the exercise is similar: to commemorate the acts of their religious predecessors, and to purify themselves.

Tired feels different

when you're a kid.

Weekend Epiphany

I had an epiphany over the weekend. Yes, I'm only typing out the entry now because, well, I've just been that tied up.

The epiphany was that anything worth having will take some hardship getting. I.e. I may be going through a whole lot of shit right now (and the past oh, I don't know, 2 years?) but whatever is waiting for me at the end is going to be worth it.

I've always thought that anything worth having is worth fighting for, and that those people who say, "If it's meant to be, it'll happen" are idiots. Do you really think that things happen for a reason? That those kids starving in Africa are starving for a reason? The reason is because people think "things that are meant to be will be". I think it's easier for people to say, "If it's meant to be, it'll be" because then no one will expect them to actually grow a pair and fight for what they want.

But I digress. My point was that I'm not having the best time of my life right now, but that's alright because something better is meant to happen. I can't lose myself in this, and I can't depend on anyone else because obviously that didn't work out very well. Just wish whatever it is would hurry up already.

Drowning In Mediocrity

Has anyone ever wondered what happens to the average and the mediocre? Think about it: movies, songs, books, stories are told about those who are the incredible, the outstanding. The bards spin stories of heroes and seemingly average people who go above and beyond expectations, overcome all odds and achieve their goals. They even tell stories of those who are outstanding because they're so deviant - those who murder in seemingly inhumane ways, those who are cunning in their arts.

What about the average? Those people who may never be considered anything other than "well read". Those who, rather than being "detail-oriented" are "absent-minded" or "careless". Those who, while not lazy, aren't driven enough to be called "married to their job". What about those who live their lives in the middle class, who never date anyone extraordinary and end up marrying another average person, who pop out a couple of kids and live in an average sized family home in an average neighborhood driving average cars? What about those who only go on holidays in average places on average tour packages, those who dream of becoming a millionaire by age 30 but in reality never come close, those who never make it past middle management?

The average and the mediocre will never make headlines. They will never be exceptionally popular. They're never really good enough at anything to be called "great at xxx" and they'll never be too outside of the norm that people will say, "(s)he's so xxx".

When they die, their graves will be frequented every so often - probably once a year - by those who love them. But there will never be too many. Over the years, probably in less than ten, people will stop visiting and bit by bit nature will reclaim the grave, growing weeds in the place of artificially cut and placed flowers, leaving no trace of them but their names in high school yearbooks or in somewhat visited websites on the internet where their comments on articles blend in with hundreds of others.

Egad, it's no wonder so many people commit suicide.

OMG-Fact?

Found at OMG-Facts:

Lactose tolerance is a mutation. Lactose intolerance is the original form of the gene.

Scientists have looked into the human genome to find the precise genetic mutation that causes lactose tolerance. Lactose tolerance in humans always come from the same genetic mutation, regardless of whether they are of European, Asian, and African descent.

Most people in the world are lactose intolerant. People do not naturally have the ability to digest milk beyond infancy. The sugar, lactose, that is present in high levels in milk causes nausea and bloating in most adults. Europeans and Americans are much more likely to have the genetic mutation that allow them to digest lactose. Lactose intolerance is present in only 5% of Northern Europeans but nearly 100% of Southeast Asians.

Emailed to OMG-Facts:

OMG-Fact #2835:

Lactose tolerance is a mutation. Lactose intolerance is the original form of the gene.

Scientists have looked into the human genome to find the precise genetic mutation that causes lactose tolerance. Lactose tolerance in humans always come from the same genetic mutation, regardless of whether they are of European, Asian, and African descent.

Most people in the world are lactose intolerant. People do not naturally have the ability to digest milk beyond infancy. The sugar, lactose, that is present in high levels in milk causes nausea and bloating in most adults. Europeans and Americans are much more likely to have the genetic mutation that allow them to digest lactose. Lactose intolerance is present in only 5% of Northern Europeans but nearly 100% of Southeast Asians.

It's not true. I'm from Malaysia, i.e. Southeast Asia, and I can state for a fact that less than 1% of the people I know are lactose intolerant. Very few people I've met are lactose intolerant. Local food in this region frequently contains some dairy, such as curries and other types of food.

There is no source quoted in this so-called "fact". I request that either a source is quoted or the "fact" is taken down. It is in your best interests to maintain the credibility of your website.

Nuff said.

Why We Should Stop Drilling

The BP oil spill in the Gulf of Mexico has caused a whole range of reactions, from rage to indifference. Some have even come to BP and the oil industry's defence, saying that the spill shouldn't prevent others from drilling. Apparently it was a "freak accident". BP did everything right and it could never happen again, so there's no reason to stop other drilling activities.

Has the world lost its mind?

The oil spill has caused unforeseen ecological impact that mere humans could never have predicted, try as they might - and they did. The reason the drilling was approved by the government was because by their estimates, even if a spill did occur, it would be containable. All predictions were wrong.

This tells us that there's too much going on in the environment that we don't understand, and we shouldn't play with fire if we don't know how it's going to react. According to a survivor of the explosion on the rig, all procedures were followed through and the valve shouldn't have failed. But it did. According to others in the industry, there shouldn't have been that much gas build up in the reservoir. But there was.

The result is an unmitigated disaster. To make matters worse, Hurricane Alex has arrived on the scene, and in what I can only call a measure to allay fears or BP bribing people to help them manage the backlash, people have already come out to say that the hurricane may actually help cleanup efforts. And let's not forget, that 2 months and 10 days later, the well is still spilling oil, spewing out millions of gallons of oil into the ocean every single day. That's not an exaggeration. Here's the website: BBC News - Q&A: Why estimates of the BP oil spill keeps changing.

Let's face it. We don't know enough to say that we properly understand what's going on when people drill that deep. We don't know enough to properly predict what would happen in the event of a failure. As a result, we don't know enough to properly react when a failure occurs, and we don't even come close to understanding the long-term impact of the spill on the environment.

And people are saying there's no reason to stop the drilling?

Wouldn't it be more logical to stop the drilling temporarily in order to conduct studies and understand why the disaster happened, exactly how the disaster happened, and what can be done if it happens again? Sure, some already rich oil companies will take a hit to their profits, but chances are they won't even come close to making losses. Sure, some people will have to suspend their work for a while, but chances are they'll find a job again just as easily because there's a shortage of skilled workers in the oil and gas industry.

What we do know is that the world cannot take another BP/Transocean spill. What will we do if it happens again?

Men Have No Balls

Yes, I know it's a generalisation. Yes, I know women have their own faults. I'm not talking about women, and I'm talking about men in general. I say, men have no balls.

Let's talk this through. Men go out, check out girls and when they spot a hot one they whoop/holler/make smoochey sounds/catcalls depending on where you are. What would happen if the girl actually went up the men and spoke to them? Think they'd bite? I doubt. And if they had the chance, would they actually work up the courage to talk to the girl? Sincere and pervasive doubt.

I say men have no ball because most men who take on more than 1 wife in Malaysia (it's legal, for those not in the know) keep them hidden from their first wives and their families. The fact that they hide them tells me that they think that what they're doing is wrong, immoral and unethical. The shit thing is, when they die, their families are left to deal with the tangled webs that they've woven. Suddenly finding out that there's another family at a time of loss isn't the best way to go about it. Also suddenly finding out that you have to share his assets isn't a great thing either. What's worse is finding out there isn't enough left for the wives to live on. You know what a man with balls would do? If you're capable of starting another family, have the balls to tell your current one. Face up to it.

I say men have no balls because unlike television and movies, men don't really know what love means. On screen, love means "I'll do anything for you. I'll fight for you and bleed for you and die just to be with you." In real life, it means, "I'm sorry, this is just getting terribly inconvenient. I'm facing pressure from some other parties, so I'm just gonna have to go ahead and let you go. All the best."

I say men have no balls because men would rather sit and wait for someone else to solve a problem than work it out, or if they tend to have 1 ball, then take the easiest way out. Unless of course, someone else tells "makes" them do something in which case they have someone to blame it on.

I say men have no balls because everyday I see men not stepping up to the challenge and just coasting their way through life. And in the sidelines, you see people getting hurt, people floundering and people just generally needing help.

----------

Notes:

1. Of course when I said "men" I didn't mean you. I meant other men! Sure!
2. As with all generalisations, there are exceptions to the rule. Of course you're the exception! Sure!
3. This is my blog, and I'll write what I want.
4. Flame on.

Always Single, Happy That Way: Shut Up About It! The Synopsis

There have been several responses to my previous entry Always Single, Happy That Way: Shut Up About It! to the tune of, "that article is talking about 45 year old women and you're only 26 so you can't possibly be comparing yourself to 45 year olds, right?"

Wrong.

The point of the article, and since it clearly went way over most people's heads, are as follows:

• I choose to be single
• I choose to be single because I do not want a partner
• Most people view single people as somehow less of a person or people who have less complete lives because they are single
• My life is no less complete than yours just because I am single

In conclusion:

• No, I don't want to be set up today or when I'm 45
• No, just because I'm having a conversation with a male, it does not mean I have the hots for him
• No, just because I'm the only single girl in the group it does not mean that I want to go out with the only single guy in the group

Get your heads out of your collective asses, society.

Always Single, Happy That Way: Shut Up About It!

The following article should be read by the whole world, and should by all means be used to assume that I feel the same way.

From The Star: Always Single, Happy That Way: 'Shut Up About It!':

NEW YORK: Not all older single ladies want a ring on it, and they have a message for relatives, co-workers, neighbors, friends, acquaintances and life's random buttinskys who think they need one: Shut up already!

They have other messages: We are not all sad. We are not all divorced, unlucky in love or unlovable. We are not all gay (and even if we were, have we not evolved as a culture, even just a little, to stop making that assumption? Don't answer that.)

Singledom and a massive case of "singlism" are red hot right now as short hair, softball and being single at 50 swirl around Supreme Court nominee Elena Kagan, and Samantha Jones cracks menopause jokes at 54 as she romps in the desert with her three fab friends in "Sex and the City 2."

For women, say 45 and up, who are living single and always have, it is a chronically sizzling subject as they face down the seemingly unstoppable tangle of stereotypes that has plagued them forEVER: Old Maid. Desperate. Quirky. Cougar. Incapable of committing. Workaholic. Bitter. Damaged goods.

"There always has to be something wrong," said Rose Clayton, 48, who works in the tasting room of a winery in Alexandria, Virginia, and always has been single. "It's always, ohhh, what's wrong? I always go, 'With me you mean? Or other people?"'

Imagine being happy and nobody believes you, she said. "I have plenty of friends, family. I go out and do things. I travel, go to dinner and parties, socialize."

Social psychologist Bella DePaulo is 56 and happily an always-single near Santa Barbara, California. She has been trying to turn off the stereotypes and end the stigma, first through a book, "Singled Out," and now a blog called Living Single for Psychologytoday.com.

Older, single women often are painted as what DePaulo called "quirkyalones" when really they're "singles at heart" and wouldn't have it any other way.

Even more important, perhaps, she asks why we're still desperately trying to suck them into the "Matrimania" vortex?

"The single at heart are not looking for long-term coupling, whereas quirkyalones still romanticise the quest for The One, and that makes the quirkyalone less threatening, easier to understand," DePaulo said.

Over-the-top hyping of marriage and coupling, including "wedding porn" that includes TV ads selling everything from muffins to motor oil, was not necessary back when everybody got married, when they divorced less and when women had little opportunity for financial security or having children outside of marriage.

In 1970, 28% of the U.S. population was divorced, widowed or never married.

By 2008, it was 45.2%, with single women 45 and older 27 million strong across those categories.

According to a 2009 census report, 11.5% of women between the ages of 45 and 49 had never been married, up from 10.7% in 2005. For women 50 to 54, it was 10%, compared with 8.7% four years earlier.

Negative assumptions about living single and older do not pack the wallop of other "isms," like racism, DePaulo said. "There's no consciousness raising. The stereotypes are so rarely challenged."

Betsy Robinson, 59, is madly in love with the single life she's always had.

"I remember really lighting into my grandmother when I was in my 20s for referring to a time when I was going to get married," said the writer in New York City.

"I told her never, and I think she went into shock. She was the sweetest person in the world, and I got really mad at her."

Not so much has changed in nearly four decades, said Robinson, who has been following media coverage and commentary on Kagan's single status and coded speculation about her sexual orientation.

Former New York Gov. Eliot Spitzer (the one who resigned over hiring a high-priced hooker) is Kagan's friend from Princeton University. He went so far as to tell Politico, a Washington insider political newspaper: "I did not go out with her, but other guys did."

Living happily single without hunting for a mate, or living happily single while dating, especially outside one's age range, the stereotypes never end.

Take the cougar craze. Kim Cattrall, Samantha in the Sex and the City movies, recently questioned the term, for herself and her character in the movies.

"I think cougar has a negative connotation," she told Extra, a show biz television show.

"I was asked recently by a significant magazine for women over 40 to pose with a cougar, and I refused to do it because I felt it was insulting. They took away the cover because I refused to do so."

DePaulo said friends, family, colleagues and the world at large sometimes can more easily get their minds around an older single woman interested in younger men, or any man, than a woman who makes it clear she is not and really likes her life without that goal in mind.

"I think there's really a belief that if you get married you are actually a better person than a single person," she said.

Like Cattrall's Samantha, 45-year-old Lori Goodwine in Las Vegas, Nevada, has her own public relations firm.

She loves how her life is "really focused on me," but falls somewhere in the middle on the issue of a long-term relationship.

Ideally, she said, she would love to have "a great guy around," so long as he does not live with her.

"If I hear one more time, 'You're not married? You don't have a kid? Are you gay?' I'm going to scream," she said.

"My life is pretty fabulous, a 'Sex and the City' story with the occasional pair of $500 shoes that I get on sale. I feel great about my life."

Retail Therapy

The first half of the year has been different, to say the least. I lost my grandmother whom I loved very much, my cat who we've had for 18 years, various things happened, etc. It may seem crude to some for me to list the loss of my cat with the loss of my grandmother. I can't really compare them, to be honest. The loss of my gma was pretty paradigm-altering, but also the loss of my cat was the loss of someone who sat with me when I was happy or sad, was (usually) always there for me, and just generally made me feel better.

Anyway, the past couple of months has been an exercise in clearing her things slowly, and there've been a couple of days of goods distribution so far. There will definitely be more. Sorting through the things that I've been bequeathed brings back so much of her to me. None of them are expensive - far from it. So far all I've got are some textiles and assorted kitchen items, but they so remind me of her that it becomes overwhelming sometimes.

Finding a cendol maker is like finding gold, and suddenly having her kitschy cat-decorated kitchen towel holder makes me feel like she's in the kitchen telling me exactly what to do and scolding me when I make too much noise. I suppose this is what makes me suddenly want to pay more attention to my surviving grandmother.

Oops!

Excerpt from The Star: Constable seeks help from teen, gets beaten up by villagers instead:

KUALA TERENGGANU: A misunderstanding caused a police constable to sustain facial injuries after villagers at Kampung Alor Mak Bah in Dungun, about 98km from here, assaulted him for allegedly trying to solicit a bribe.

The 21-year-old policeman, who was part of a raiding team, was trailing 10 suspects who ran helter-skelter after police ambushed them while an illegal rooster fight was going on at the village.

When the constable lost sight of the suspects, he stopped to ask a 15-year-old villager whether he had seen any of the them.

However, the teenager thought the constable was asking him for money as he was riding a motorcycle without a helmet.

The teenager then told villagers about the attempted bribe, resulting in a group of them confronting the constable and beating him up.

I can see how "Have you seen a bunch of people running away?" can easily have been heard as "Hey, you're not wearing a helmet. If you give me some money, I'll look the other way."

No, totally. They sound so similar it's unbelievable that the mistake doesn't happen more often.

How Much Water Are We Actually Using?

National Geographic has this awesome feature  where it lets you see how much water it takes to produce 1lb of whatever food is on your table. It's terribly enlightening.

For example, did you know (and you clearly didn't) that it takes 1,799 gallons of water to make 0.5kg of beef? That's excluding the extras for feed and drinking water, by the way.

Think that's bad? That's nothing compared to how much water it takes to make chocolate.

Seriously. It's mind-blowing. Here's some single-glance tables of what National Geographic's done up nicely in graphics:

I know what you're thinking. 1 t-shirt? Really? And 1 sheet of paper translates to 10 litres of water. Not to mention the water:milk production ratio is 880:1. And it's 1,008:1 for water:wine. I wonder how Jesus did it.

Food for thought.

Power to the People

Warning: This is a general blog post with no real point and so rambles on for a while. Don't complain if you decide to read it and go, "what the fuck was that?" at the end. 

Has anyone noticed how smoking on TV has become persona non grata? Seriously, try to find a contemporary TV show with someone smoking and it's either a classic bad guy character or it's a main character with a guilty vice trying to hide it from his friends.

It just goes to show how powerful the media can be. They decided that smoking is bad for people. They decided to champion the cause. And look at what's happened. It's like the whole, what I like to call, 'Plastic Bag Incident'. Someone somewhere one day decided to go to war against plastic bags, and now everyone has to pay 10 cents for a bag.

Don't get me wrong - I'm all for these movements that help the world (I hope) and try to uphold values for impressionable young children. It's just scary how powerful the media can be when they're harping on an issue. They should support more causes like that.

Which brings me to my next issue - what the hell is up with these 'Community Service Ads' on the radio these days? It's ridiculous. They're out there saying things like, "Don't put your handbags in plain sight - it will get stolen" or "Don't put cushions in your car - thieves will target women's cars". Am I the only one who thinks this is retarded?

Why are women being blamed for having their handbags stolen? Why don't the ads say, "Don't steal. Stealing is wrong. Get a job."? What is wrong with these people? Yes, that's right, 104.9 Red FM. I'm talking about you. Get your head on straight.

All Woman

I've decided to follow up on the I Am Woman blog post. After about 3 weeks of taking the prescribed treatment for my condition (which, by the way, is neither serious nor permanent - rather, it's dependent on conditions like stress, environment, etc), there's actually a difference.

I no longer feel (quite as) aggro when I'm driving (though I still call most people retards on the road). My skin feels and looks better, and though I don't feel the need to dress in pink, I definitely feel more settled. It's amazing the effect that hormones can have on people. 

Actually, it's quite scary. I mean - you go through your whole life thinking, "This is me. This is who I am." Then you find out that you change a little bit after a bit of pills that aren't even prescription and there's a mindfuck right there. That's how much we are dictated by our physiology. Whoa.

On the Dangerous Topics of Islam and Translations

Those whom I follow on Twitter can quite easily be categorised.

1. News sources: @reuterskl, @staronline
2. Humour and merriment: @ichcheezburger, @qdb, @aaronkaro
3. Entertainment: @thesuperficial, @junkonline, @klue
4. Hoping for good deals/freebies: @airasiadotcom, @digi_telco
5. Friends

And then there are those that even I don't know why I follow, like the subject of today's blog post: @EvilBibleQuotes. I want to say that it's a source of humour and merriment, so that I can laugh at those idiot heathens (j/k... or am I?) and their silly ways. Like in this tweet:

American Family Assoc.: Exodus21 demands executing whale and SeaWorld director after whale "murders" its trainer. http://bit.ly/954YOK

Pat Robertson: "Waving those [Gay Day] flags in God's face... will bring earthquakes, tornadoes and possibly a meteor." http://bit.ly/58vQry

The last one is fun because it reminds me that it's not only Malaysian dignitaries that make stupid comments.

But the fact is that @EvilBibleQuotes doesn't just quote the Bible. They (quite rightly, I might add) also quote the Koran, the Torah and I assume other bibles of other faiths.

It's actually a bit disturbing, some of the quotes that come up:

Men are in charge of women...for those women who you fear may rebel, admonish them and banish them to beds apart, and beat them. Sura 4:34

Gentiles who study the Torah deserve death, for it's written: Moses commanded us
a law for an inheritance-it's ours, not theirs. Sanhedrin59

And the last, the one that prompted this post:

O Muslim! There is a Jew hiding behind me, so kill him. Bukhari 52:256

That one set me thinking: it's unlikely that the Koran would have propagated such a thing, because in all technicality, Muslims are allowed to marry the people of the 4 bibles - the Koran, the Torah, the Zaboor and the Injil (the original Christian bible) without them converting because all are recognised to be people of God. In fact, in all technicality, a Muslim can marry Orthodox Christians and Orthodox Jews without them converting.

So how can it be that the Koran advocates the killing of Jews - the people of the same God? Could it be due to a mistranslation due to the current political headwinds of the time? Don't forget, up until a few hundred years ago, reading was not a right - it was a privilege and a hobby for the rich because books were difficult to print and thusly expensive. In fact, it was only in the 1400s that printing books became efficient enough to be cheap and done mechanically.

Most books printed before the invention of movable type were actually copied out by hand, slowly and painstakingly by scribes who played a very important role in civilisations. Obviously, mistakes were made sometimes, though scribes prided themselves on accuracy and speed. And just as obviously, it was easy to subject the translations to the interpretation of the times due to political/religious warfare. And we all know how that ends.

How is it, then, that the Koran advocates the killing of a Jew?

Various Disclaimers:
I've read the Koran in Arabic a few times but I don't speak Arabic so I don't pretend to know what it means. Also, this is pure speculation on the part of someone who's not educated in any of these fields other than everyday Islamic tenets. And also, if you flame illogically, I won't post your comment. And this post was not intended as a flame for @EvilBibleQuotes. I don't think they're doing anything wrong. They could actually be perpetuating mutual understanding.

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Tiger Temple, Kanchanaburi, Thailand

I went to Kanchanaburi, Thailand over the Chinese New Year holidays to go and see the famed Tiger Temple that my parents discovered last year. Being animal (and especially cat) lovers, my sisters and I were totally up for it.

So off we went, other experiences totally aside (it was a hell of a trip!), and I was all ready to submit a review on TripAdvisor when I discovered some differing opinions of the temple. It's pretty intense what people are saying about the temple, so of course I just had to write up an entry on the allegations and some ridiculously asinine comments.

To start with, some had apparently accused the monks who run the temple of drugging the tigers to make them compliant, de-clawing them and only feeding them vegetarian food. These have been disproved and and are totally and absolutely not true.

The more serious accusations were that the tigers were being kept in cages and were being chained, not being allowed to roam free. Some say that the sole reason the tigers were being kept was to get money for the temple and not for the welfare of the tigers. Here's the thing. It is.

• The big picture is that the abbot of the temple isn't just a tiger man. Sure, he cares for the animals and wants to ensure they don't become extinct - but he also cares for the community. He provides jobs for the local village people (hee hee, village people), built a school for local children, built a free clinic, promotes free education and free access to water and does so much more with the money as well.
• Some on TripAdvisor commented that it's a tourist trap, and that he'd rather see the tigers in the wild. Well with less than 800 Indochinese tigers left in the world, I wonder just how he's going to swing that.
• Some said that the surroundings were not clean and that the water was dirty. When I went, it wasn't. The area was very clean. The water bottles left around were due to dirty tourists who ignored trash cans. I can't verify or deny this because it's something that could change from week to week.
• Others said that the tigers were beaten and chained and that means that they're not happy. The fact is that the temple has a very good reproduction rate - and cats who are not happy will not reproduce.
• While some say that the Tiger Island that is being built with proceeds from daily activities is not actually being built, I've seen it with my own eyes. It's incomplete but it's almost there, and once it's done, the tigers will have a much more comfortable environment.

Here's the benefit of my own personal experience with cats: the tigers looked like very happy, very contented cats. While some don't like the way they're treated - they're chained and dragged around and etc - it's just like a big collar on a cat. A tiger has a thick hide so petting them or touching them gently does not result in anything other than them thinking you're an annoying fly. And you are. Because you're an idiot.

Yes, I would love to live in a world where the tigers roam free and are not confined. Unfortunately, we live in a world where people poach these gorgeous creatures, skin them, grind up their bones, and do god knows what else. With less than 800 Indochinese tigers in the world, we desperately need institutions like these to help replenish the population and safeguard their future. Once there are enough, we can hopefully slowly release them to the wild.

To that end, I will not submit my review to TripAdvisor, but will do so here.

Tiger Temple, Kanchanaburi

The Tiger Temple is awesome! You get to play with tiger cubs and hang with the big cats. It's an experience unlike any other. I recommend it for all cat lovers. Here's a few things to remember though:

• The people at the tiger temple are not there to serve you. You are there because they let you be there. Show some respect.
• Bring some Baht with you so that you can do what you want. Pictures with the tiger's head in your lap are THB1,000, whether individually or in a group. Feeding the cubs is THB1,000 as well and most definitely worth the money as you get to play with them for half an hour with some toys, then feed them a bottle of milk.
• Listen to the advice of the monks, the workers and the volunteers. Don't forget, these are wild animals.

Don't forget that the big picture aim is to (1) replenish the cats' numbers in the world, (2) rehabilitate them for the wild, and (3) have a respectable number of big cats in the wild. This is my world, and that's how I'd like it. Please and thank you.

Customer Service Review: GMG Airlines

Business: Budget airline
Location: Bangladesh
Website: Don't really care

The Situation:

2 weeks before Chinese New Year, my family decides to go to Bangkok for a quick holiday. Of course, because it's already so near to the holiday and it's peak season, flights were expensive. However, my dad excitedly told us one day that he'd found a cheap option: GMG Airlines, which offered return flights on our chosen days at just about RM800 per person all in.

To start with, we're not that fussy. I've been flying Air Asia since it started and had just a small fleet of propellor planes. We're no strangers to budget airlines, and I'm grateful for their existence since they mean I can fly to a whole lot of places for cheap. So we were equally happy that we'd got a good deal on flights.

KL to Bangkok

Our flight was supposed to be at 8am, meaning checking in at 6am, meaning leaving at 5am to get to the airport on time. You can imagine how unimpressed we were when we got there bleary-eyed and sleepless and discovered that the flight was delayed from 8am to 3pm. So we went home, got some more sleep and came back for the flight.

This time, there were no issues and the food was actually pretty good.

Bangkok to KL

So our flight back was supposed to be at 8.40pm. If all went according to plan, we figured I could get home by 12am and get a good night's rest for my first day on the new job the next day.

• 8.00pm - No gate had yet been assigned to the flight. Boarding was supposed to be at 8.10pm.
• 8.15pm - Notice comes up: Delayed until 9.30pm
• 9.30pm - No gate assigned to the flight yet. Dad calls GMG's airport manager in Malaysia (we got his number so that we could call ahead and make sure the flight was on schedule to leave).
• 9.45pm - Notice comes up: Delayed to 11pm. Airport staff have no idea what's going on. GMG's Thai airport manager calls my dad to explain that he has no idea what's going on. The plane left Dhaka for Bangkok but turns back. He's frustrated - wants to quit.
• 11.30pm - Against all odds, the plane actually leaves.

So what happened was - by the time I got home and got into bed, it was 5am. I had to go into my first day of work on 1 hour of sleep. Thanks a lot, GMG!

The verdict:

It doesn't matter how cheap a GMG flight is - they're not worth the money!

I Am Woman

How much are we controlled by our physical bodies? If we have a tumour in the part of the brain that controls impulses, will that affect our decision-making ability?

I, according to a one of those personality tests I did a while back, apparently think more like a man than I do like a woman. I mean, it's not like these online tests are exactly believable, but it's something to think about. I like cars and for some reason I tend to prefer male wallets and laptop bags and stuff.

I ask the question because I've only just found out that I apparently have a condition that makes me have more testosterone than I should. It's not life threatening at all or anything and it doesn't really affect me very much, but I'm going to start taking these things that regulate it.

Will that change me? Will I suddenly feel an urge to wear bright pink? To wear makeup everyday? To want to find someone to marry and pop out a bunch of kids and stay home and cook? It begs the question...

1Malaysia Ain't Got Nothing On Me

Despite what people*WHOREN* may think, just because I have a conversation with someone that doesn't mean I've got the hots for them. What I've noticed, and I think I can attribute this to MamaTina, is that if you're nice to people then for the most part, they're nice to you. This is why I actually have conversations with people. Of course, once they've proven that they're incompetent at customer service, all bets are off.

The easiest and fastest way to put people at ease - as I've noticed - is to say simple things in their language. Like when I tapau from the auntie at the cafe behind my house I say things like thank you in Cantonese. I try to order in Cantonese and stuff like that as well. The first time she saw a Malay girl (nevermind that I'm half Chinese - she don't know that) speak Chinese she got so impressed and was immediately smiley and conversational. When I tapau from Indian vegetarian restaurants, a simple manakem and nandre does wonders. It elicits an immediate smile and, "Oh, you speak Indian ah?" and then BAM! life is much easier and happier for everyone involved.

But seriously - think about it. How often have you been so impressed by a gwailo who speaks some Malay? I mean, learning simple words and phrases in the language of the other races that make up Malaysia is all about what Malaysia is. I personally get pretty put off by expats who've lived in Malaysia for xx number of years and never bothered to learn a word of Malay or try Malaysian street food. Nevermind learning French, Italian or Japanese. Learn to be Malaysian.

All The Wrong Choices

I've just realised that I have this uncanny ability to make the wrong choices. Sure, most think that I have a great life and not much to complain about, which is essentially true - me complaining would be like ridiculous. I'm way too careful about the big decisions like career and stuff to make a mistake.

It's the other things that you think don't matter that get past you. Sure there's stuff like always choosing the wrong lane in traffic jams. And then there are the things like men and love, which TV and movies made me believe would "just happen" because "if it were meant to be, it's meant to be". That true love would never hurt and love means happily ever after. Bullshit.

In this case, my choices are always like getting caught in traffic. Whenever I switch lanes to one that I think will get me there faster, it stops moving. Whenever I stay my lane, people cut me off. I just want to stop and get off the road until there's no more traffic. And if it feels like home, then that's home.

Written on my Archos 5

Whaddup?

So I've just found an unlocked wireless network in the area. Awesome. I suspect it belongs to my cousin so it's not stealing.

It's day 4 of my between jobs break and I've been positively unproductive. Innit grand? But seriously, I'm feeling really lethargic so the next few days will be devoted to housework, light exercise and recipe trials. I know. It's like I'm friggin Martha Stewart right?

I've also signed up to retake my CFA in December so I suppose I should get some studying done. Or something. Whatever. Back to the tai-tai life.

Boobs out.

Written on my Archos 5

That Little Difference

There are still people in this world who wonder if that small change that they make will really make a difference. Will me forgoing this one plastic bag really help change the world? Will me using a sports bottle instead of buying a bottle at the gym really make that much of a difference? I've done some quick Googling and Excel-ling and calculating to come up with how you can quantify the difference you make (I bet you saw that coming).

I know a lot of the facts and figures used are very American-centric, but I can't help it. It's the easiest nation on earth to Google. Let's quantify how much you can save the world by.

1. How much of a difference does 1 bottle of water make?

A lot of people throw a lot of figures around as to how much of a difference a bottle of water makes. In truth, it takes 17 million barrels of crude oil to make the 29 billion bottles of water p.a. that America consumes (Source: National Geographic). Let's see how that works out:




Basically, recycling 1 bottle or using 1 bottle less than you already do will save 0.09 litres of oil. Assuming you have a small tank car, you would need to recycle just over 429 bottles to save enough for a full tank. For me, I'd have to save just under 676 bottles per tank.

That statistic can actually be quite depressing and discouraging. It's a bit like, "What, so I saved all these bottles to recycle and I forwent my mineral water for this?" Never fear. I won't leave you hanging. Let's look at it a different way.



According to RecycleSpot.org, the energy it takes to generate 1 plastic bottle can be used to power a 60W lightbulb for up to 6 hours, which means if the average 3-person household consumes 6,000 kWh per year (like the University of California says), then recycling 46 bottles a day or roughly 15 bottles per person will be enough to make up for your electricity consumption. That's a much more achievable target.

2. How much difference does a plastic bag make?


Plastic bags are tiny things - so useful and indispensable. Now that the whole world is against plastic bags, I always catch myself thinking, "What harm can it do if I use a plastic bag this time?" Apparently, quite a bit.



Apparently it takes more oil to make a plastic bag than it does to make a plastic bottle, which is a bit odd if you ask me. Nevertheless, if the statistic of 37 million barrels of oil to make 3 billion plastic bags is true, then saving 7 plastic bags will get you 1km of oil. It takes saving just 20 plastic bags to make up for a full tank of oil for the average-sized car. It's a bit shocking, isn't it, how much difference a plastic bag makes?

So the next time you forgo a plastic bag or a plastic bottle, you can keep count and figure out how many tanks of oil you've saved.

I'm Sorry, A Malaysian Habit

There are those who say that apologising is a sign of weakness, or an admission of wrongdoing. Some people contend that they should never apologise to their wife or their kids or their staff because that would indicate that they're less than all-knowing, all-powerful.

Malaysians have a different way to go about it. Malaysians have a habit of apologising for anything and everything that they've done. When bidding farewell to somebody, a common habit is to say, "Maaf, ya, kalau saya bersalah" (translation: "I'm sorry for any wrongdoings, perceived or otherwise. I did not mean it"). When going around wishing Selamat Hari Raya to one another, Malaysians follow up with "Maaf zahir dan batin" (translation: "I'm sorry, from my body and my soul"). This particular practice is not a Muslim practice, but a cultural practice. The result is that people are forgiven at least once a year for their sins and their wrongdoings to one another.

I noticed during my stint with Raleigh International that some were baffled by this habit. They ask, "What if you did mean it? What if you really don't like them?"

The answer is that it's not the point of whether you meant it or not, or whether you didn't like them. I feel that if, even if it's by custom, you are forced to apologise to someone, then you are telling yourself to let it go - that if this is the last time you ever see this person, then let the parting be in good faith. And just like that, you feel a burden lifted if it is with someone you've been feuding with. The underlying assumption of the custom is that even though you have fought, that the fight was not because you are bad people or that you wished them ill, but due to circumstance or a difference of personality.

Some Malaysians have said that the phrases have been so overused and it's become such a habit that nobody means it anymore. I've heard that some people tell others, "Don't say that. It is not meaningful." While I agree that you should not say it if you don't mean it, my personal experience has been that I grew up being taught to recite it to others like a lifeline at particular occassions, and while it was just a practice at one point in my life, it has become more than that to me.

Every year, I wake up and dress and go see my parents, where I bend to salam and kiss their hands and say, "Maaf zahir dan batin", and every year, though they don't see it, I tear a little bit. Every year, I make the rounds and do the same with colleagues, friends and relatives with the same feeling of goodwill and the same understanding that, as I say it, I mean it from the bottom of my heart, and we start again from a solid foundation. There's no such thing as, "I accept your apology but not for this particular fight or that issue". It's a complete wipeout.

This habit of Malaysians is one I feel that if the rest of the world adopted, people would be far more understanding of one another.

NB: This does not apply to people who have been banished from my life because they don't want to belong to it, clearly because they never apologised to me. Just saying.

Arwah Tun Fatimah Hashim

My grandmother, Tun Fatimah Hashim passed away at the age of 85 late Saturday night in her sleep at her home in the arms of her son, Datuk Ali Abdul Kadir, surrounded by her children, grandchildren and great-grandchildren.

As word spread of her demise, despite the lateness of the hour, people began streaming to the house to pay their respects. By 9am the next day, as many as 100 people had come and gone. As the day wore in, we, her family, were to be astounded by the number of people who came and paid their respects to the great woman. We knew she was a respected national figure, but I don't think we really understood the magnitude of her contributions to the country.

She fought for the freedom of her people. She fought for the rights of women and children at a time when human rights was in its infancy. She fought for the rights and well-being of orphans and the poor. Most importantly, I think, she fought for the freedom and the rights of people. Not Malays. Not Bumiputras. People. And when these people came to be named as Malaysians, she fought for Malaysians. She never fought for herself or for money. She fought for what she believed in, and on behalf of those who couldn't fight for themselves. It's a shame that in just 2 generations, politicians have gone from admirable and respectable people to the joke that they are now.

It was for this woman that they came - of all ages, races and religions - to pay their final respects for a woman who fought for what they have today.

We were overwhelmed and overcome, and we thank everybody for having paid their respects and showing us just how amazing she was. To us, she was just Tok Mummy, the matron of our family, a loving and wise grandmother who gave us everything and asked for nothing in return but affection. To Malaysia, she was Tun Fatimah Hashim - a freedom fighter, an advocate of human rights, and a formidable force who contributed to helping to make Malaysia what it is today. Al Fatihah.

Hello, 2010!

A little bit delayed, but as usual, here's the post-new year analysis of the previous year and an overview of how I'm going to tackle the next one.

What I'm glad for in 2009:

• I didn't watch 2 girls, 1 cup
• I discovered Big Bang Theory, How I Met Your Mother and Andra & the Backbone
• I got my house all set up and moved in
• I got an awesome job offer
• I got over you and you
• I survived
• I really bonded with my workmates and I can now call them my friends
• I went from yellow belt to green belt in kickboxing
• Syria

What I'm looking forward to in 2010:

• An awesome house (thanks, Mom & Dad!)
• Good food, good drinks, great friends
• Starting a new job
• Getting my motorcycle license

Here's to the night we felt alive.