FAQ of a Fledgling Banker

Ever wanted to ask a fledgling banker questions? I bet you have. Well here's a bunch of questions that I've frequently come across once I became a fledgling banker. Frequently Asked Questions, if you will.

1. What should I invest in?
I don't know you dumbass. I'm a fledgling banker. You really want to listen to me about what to do with your money?

2. Wah, you banker? Just like your dad! Mahaha.
My dad's not a banker jackass.

3. So is there a recession coming?
Refer to 1. Repeat dumbass.

4. Oh, so you want to be like Zeti? Mahaha.
Right. That's what I want to be like. Girl in banking = Zeti wannabe.

5. Oh banker! So you play with money everyday, lah? Mahaha.
No. I'm not in a commercial bank. I don't even see cash, you stupidhead.

6. Can you get me in touch with someone so I can sign up for a credit card / loan?
Refer to 5. Repeat dumbass.

7. Wah, your dad invested in [insert company name here]. Why ah? Must be good right?
I don't know. This kind of stuff is private & confidential. And he especially wouldn't tell someone working in a rival private equity firm. Idiot.