I'm Tired

What happens when people get tired of fighting for something better; of fighting for principles, for rights, for chivalry? What happens when a society languishes and lets people take advantage of its apathy by feeding off its loopholes? Because that's what I'm dangerously close to.

I know what I sound like: a diva, one of those people who complain about everyone and expect people to jump when I complain. I'm fine with people thinking of me that way, because to me, I'm trying to create a world that I want to live in and be in.

Is it right for telcos to provide sub-par service? No. Is it right for office buildings to provide insufficient parking lots and close it all day to non-season parkers? No. Is it right for our Ministry of Tourism and whoever is in charge of our environment to sit quietly while our coral gardens are being irrepairably damaged? No.

But goddammit, I'm tired of being one of the few who are willing to do anything. Everyone else sits there and complains but is too lazy or can't be bothered to do anything. I want to make my little corner of the world a little bit better, but it's not easy doing it alone.

It's even worse when there's resistance and people look at you like you're crazy because you're asking for a safer parking location, or for pamphlets educating visitors and locals on how to care for corals, or for a telco that won't have dropped calls for every 2 out of 3 calls made. It's the worst when people won't even try to help you. They won't even try.

I'm tired. That's the gist of it. I'm tired. I want to be a better person in a better place, but I'm too goddamn tired.

How to Help Victims of Natural Disaster in Japan

Many were devastated by the recent devastation in Japan, and the rest of the world mourns with them. What's brilliant is that so many want to help and do something to make a difference. Unfortunately, not many know how.

The following is a (short and in no way comprehensive) list of Malaysian aid organisations that will be assisting by sending aid. For non-Malaysians, I suggest you Google their international counterpart, or Google for your local aid organisations and contact them.

1. Red Crescent (www.redcrescent.org.my)
   The Malaysian Red Crescent Society (MRCS) has set up an International Relief Fund account at Maybank to collect donations from the public to assist those affected by national disasters. Maybank account number: 5144 2210 2657. All donations are tax exempt. You can also find out how to volunteer.
2. Mercy Malaysia (www.mercy.org.my)
   Mercy Malaysia is a well established Malaysian NGO, which has shown dedication in providing international relief efforts time and again. I'm continually impressed by their dedication and efforts. As with MRCS, there is further information for those who want to do more and volunteer their time.
3. World Vision Malaysia (www.worldvision.com.my)
   World Vision is also accepting donations to help victims of the natural disasters in Japan.
4. Force of Nature Aid Foundation (www.forceofnature.org)
   Force of Nature (FON) was set up to help rebuild communities affected by natural disasters. Their involvement is less in the aftermath, and more when things settle down. FON commits to funding projects initiated by local communities aimed at sustainably improving their living standards and situation. A worthy cause.

The things that victims of natural disasters are usually in need of the most are perishable necessities, i.e. food and water, diapers, baby formula. Some items that could help are flashlights, blankets, mosquito nets, basic first aid items.

Please bear in mind that some organisations don't like accepting donations in kind that have not been explicitly requested for. This is usually due to logistics reasons, and it may be more efficient to send money and purchase items at/near the site itself.

The Myth of the High Standard

It being Valentine's Day, I think it's only natural for the mind to turn to coupling. And, of course, the eternal question, "Where's your boyfriend?". The assumption by most is that I have high standards. Do I really? Honestly, I don't think so. I may talk the talk, but I don't really expect my boyfriends to spend lavishly on me or to take me jetsetting. I don't really expect very much. Yet, here I sit, boyfriend-less. Do I really have high standards?

The Standards:

1. My boyfriend won't lie to me (at least when it counts), because I wouldn't lie to him.
2. The girlfriend isn't outranked by anyone except family. Don't forget, we're talking about a long-term relationship here.
3. My boyfriend will remember my birthday. It's not that hard.
4. When I'm angry or upset, my boyfriend will hold me and tell me that he loves me. Same goes with when I'm insecure, hormonal, depressed, etc. It's a failsafe that works for all occasions. You know why? Because not one ex-boyfriend has ever done this for me.
5. My boyfriend wants me around.

When I tried to list that down, it was pretty hard to come up with 5, but there it is and I think the list is complete. I can't speak for other women, but I personally don't need anything more than these 5 things from my partner.

I don't think the standards are very high. They're not high expectations for anyone other than a child or a family pet, but still the only person I've ever met who hit all 5 wasn't even a boyfriend. Maybe that was my mistake.

The Flip Flop

I think, that at the end of it all, I can trace the source of my renewed inspiration to my cousin-in-law, who is up at 5am running a security corporation 6 days a week and studying for his master's degree during whatever remaining time he has left, all the while also being a dutiful husband and father. I thought, if he can get up every Monday and say, "Productive week!" (no, seriously, that's actually what he tweets/FBs/emails/BBM status'), then I can be just as positive.

I've been told that my tweets lately have been really depressing, and I can't say that I disagree. The fact is, though, that I've always been the type of person who vocalises my displeasure or stress, and Twitter provides me with such an easy outlet to vent that I do it all the time without thinking. Throw in the week from hell at work and all the tweets you'll get from me are about me bitching.

I haven't been that bad, though. It's been a tough couple of weeks due to a few things, but it's also been good. I've managed to expunge a few things from my life that I don't want around, and I didn't realise how much has been cleaned up that I can only hope will help me in the new year. It's easier now, and soon I'll hopefully be able to get things where I want them. But if they don't get there, that's okay, too.

In between those things, I've actually had some pretty good times, and in rounding up 2011, I think I need to remember those and hang on to them so that they're not clouded over by the bad experiences.

I've learned (again, it took a long 3 years to learn this) that I need to let things go and be more flexible. I've revived an old phrase for 2011 and I'm using it as my mantra: love, peace and empathy. I always could relate to Cobain.