Humorous News Items

What with all the landslides, floods, suicide bombings and people dying in general, I figured I'd try to lighten your day with some humorous news items such as these:

BBC: UK chooses 'most ludicrous laws'

A little-known law which prohibits people dying while in the Houses of Parliament has been voted the UK's most ludicrous piece of legislation.

Another law which states it is treason to use a postage stamp upside down was placed in second place by those polled by UKTV Gold.

The most absurd international law was judged to be in the US state of Ohio, where it is illegal to get fish drunk.

The 3,931 people asked selected the laws from a shortlist of bizarre rules.

A total of 27% of those questioned thought the law against dying in the Houses of Parliament was the most absurd, while 7% voted for the legislation banning placing postage stamps upside down.

In third place, with 6%, came a law stating that only a clerk in a tropical fish store has permission to be topless in public in Liverpool.

Driving blindfolded Other lesser-known laws making the top 10 included one banning eating mince pies on Christmas Day and another stating it is illegal to enter the Houses of Parliament wearing a suit of armour.

Almost half of those asked confessed to breaking the mince pie law, which was brought in by Oliver Cromwell in the 17th Century.

The unusual international laws on the list included legislation against naming a pig Napoleon in France, driving while wearing a blindfold in Alabama and unmarried women parachuting on a Sunday.

The Law Society last year revealed other bizarre UK laws still in existence on the statute book.

They included a ban on firing a cannon close to a dwelling house (Met Police Act 1839); a ban on the use of any slide upon ice or snow (Town Police Clauses Act 1847); and the prohibition of driving cattle through the streets of London (Metropolitan Streets Act 1867).

The UK's top 10 most ridiculous British laws were listed as:

1. It is illegal to die in the Houses of Parliament (27%)
2. It is an act of treason to place a postage stamp bearing the British king or queen's image upside-down (7%)
3. It is illegal for a woman to be topless in Liverpool except as a clerk in a tropical fish store (6%)
4. Eating mince pies on Christmas Day is banned (5%)
5. If someone knocks on your door in Scotland and requires the use of your toilet, you are required to let them enter (4%)
6. In the UK a pregnant woman can legally relieve herself anywhere she wants, including in a policeman's helmet (4%)
7. The head of any dead whale found on the British coast automatically becomes the property of the King, and the tail of the Queen (3.5%)
8. It is illegal not to tell the tax man anything you do not want him to know, but legal not to tell him information you do not mind him knowing (3%)
9. It is illegal to enter the Houses of Parliament wearing a suit of armour (3%)
10. It is legal to murder a Scotsman within the ancient city walls of York, but only if he is carrying a bow and arrow (2%)

Other bizarre foreign laws voted by those polled included:

• In Ohio, it is illegal to get a fish drunk (9%)
• In Indonesia, the penalty for masturbation is decapitation (8%)
• A male doctor in Bahrain can only examine the genitals of a woman in the reflection of a mirror (7%)
• In Switzerland, a man may not relieve himself standing up after 10pm (6%)
• It is illegal to be blindfolded while driving a vehicle in Alabama (6%)
• In Florida, unmarried women who parachute on a Sunday could be jailed (6%)
• Women in Vermont must obtain written permission from their husbands to wear false teeth (6%)
• In Milan, it is a legal requirement to smile at all times, except during funerals or hospital visits (5%)
• In France, it is illegal to name a pig Napoleon (4%)

I foresee a sudden rise in the number of tropical fish stores in Liverpool, and a corresponding rise in the number of employed women in tropical fish stores in Liverpool.

Tuesday November 6, 2007
The Star: Ex-Jais officer denies asking for ‘sexual’ bribe

KUALA LUMPUR: A former investigating officer of the Selangor Religious Department (Jais) was charged in a Sessions Court with trying to get a bribe in the form of sexual gratification from a salon worker.

Amiruddin Hassan, 34, who was then Jais Islamic affairs assistant, was said to have attempted to get such a bribe from Hazlin Sulaiman, 43, as an inducement to settle her case.

Hazlin was alleged to have committed an offence under Section 10(a) of the Selangor Syariah Criminal Enactment 1995 for causing disgrace to the Islamic religion.

Hazlin was found in a massage parlour’s kitchen in Petaling Jaya during a raid by a Jais enforcement team at 4pm on April 19.

At that time, a 29-year-old woman and a Bangladeshi were also found in the same kitchen.

Hazlin, a single mother, was handed over to Amiruddin, who was the investigating officer handling her case.

Amiruddin was accused of committing the offence at a hotel in Jalan Tambi Pillay at 9.15pm on May 8.

Hazlin, of Kelana Jaya, had lodged a complaint over the matter later that night.

Upon hearing the charge yesterday, Amiruddin, of Klang, uttered “no” and claimed trial.

Under Section 16 of the Anti-Corruption Act 1997, a person who is convicted can be sentenced up to 20 years’ jail and fined five times the amount of the bribe or RM10,000, whichever is higher.

Sessions Court judge Zamri Ibrahim granted bail of RM3,000 in one surety. Amiruddin was unable to post bail.

The judge set Dec 10 for mention pending the appointment of a lawyer for him.

John 8:7 "Let he who is without sin cast the first stone"

Reuters: Court orders goat thief to say sorry
Tue Nov 6, 2007 9:14am EST

SYDNEY (Reuters) - An Australian woman who stole a pet goat and was involved in slaughtering it in a mock Satanic ritual in a church, was ordered by a court on Monday to apologize to the church and the dead goat's owners.

Tracey Arnold, 26, was drinking with friends at a Friday the 13th party in 2006 when she decided to steal the pet goat named "Maddie" from the front garden of a house in the northern city of Brisbane, local media reported from the court.

The partygoers then broke into a local church, dragging the goat onto a raised platform and killed it in a mock Satanic ritual, reported Brisbane's Courier Mail newspaper.

The goat's head was later found by police in the freezer of Arnold's home, along with a camera containing photos of members of the group with the head.

Arnold's lawyer told the Brisbane Magistrates Court that his client did not have a "macabre disposition" but that when she drank alcohol she made poor decisions.

Magistrate John Costello ordered Arnold to apologize in person to the goat's owners and the Bellbowrie Community Church and undergo psychiatric treatment.

Arnold was also ordered to pay A$70 (US$64) in compensation to the goat's owners and $1,535 for damage caused to the church.

Australians. Pfft.

The Star: PM: All to get fair treatment

KOTA KINABALU: Malaysia’s diverse communities will continue to be treated fairly via Barisan Nasional's unique power sharing system and by paying attention to the people’s needs, Datuk Seri Abdullah Ahmad Badawi said.

“The bottom line is that we will ensure no one community is left behind in the mainstream of development,” the Prime Minister said in his message in conjunction with Parti Bersatu Sabah’s 22nd annual general meeting here this Sunday.

He said PBS members should focus on making the party more progressive so as to further Barisan’s struggles.

He said Malaysians should appreciate the fact that they were able to benefit from the nation’s progress amid peace and stability.

“Our diversity has become one of our strengths and we will become even more successful,” he added.

Abdullah is scheduled to launch the AGM at the Hongkod Koisaan here and later declare open the meeting of the Liberal Democratic Party at the Menara Tun Mustapha during his one-day visit to the state on Sunday.

Love it. "Unique" is right. There's a reason the Chinese are leaving the country in droves, and the Malays aren't staying either. I suspect the only reason the Indians and "dan lain-lain"s haven't left is the lack of funds to do so.