Love Exposed

Today, on suicide doors, we take a closer look at L is for the way you look at me, O is for the only one I see, V is very, very extraordinary, E is even more than anyone that I adore. No, this has nothing to do with recent developments.

Apparently, love is one of those things that separate us from the animals.

Without the attachment of romantic love, we would live in an entirely different society that more closely resembled some (but not all) of those social circles in the animal world.

The chemicals that race around in our brain when we're in love serve several purposes, and the primary goal is the continuation of our species. Those chemicals are what make us want to form families and have children. Once we have children, those chemicals change to encourage us to stay together to raise those children. So in a sense, love really is a chemical addiction that occurs to keep us reproducing.

It's a goddamned conspiracy. Moving on...

We all have a template for the ideal partner buried somewhere in our subconscious. It is this love map that decides which person in that crowded room catches our eye. But how is this template formed?

• Appearance: [C]ognitive psychologist David Perrett, at the University of St. Andrews in Scotland, did an experiment in which he morphed a digitized photo of the subject's own face into a face of the opposite sex. Then, he had the subject select from a series of photos which one he or she found most attractive. According to Dr. Perrett, his subjects always preferred the morphed version of their own face (and they didn't recognize it as their own).


• Personality: Like appearance, we tend to form preferences for those who remind us of our parents (or others close to us through childhood) because of their personality, sense of humor, likes and dislikes, etc.


• Pheromones: The existence of human pheromones was discovered in 1986 by scientists at the Chemical Senses Center in Philadelphia and its counterpart in France. They found these chemicals in human sweat. A human VNO has also been found in some, but not all, people. Even if the VNO isn't present in all of us -- and may not be working in those who do have it -- there is still evidence that smell is an important aspect of love (note the booming perfume industry). An experiment was conducted where a group of females smelled the unwashed tee shirts of a group of sweaty males, and each had to select the one to whom she was most "attracted." Just like in the animal world, the majority of the females chose a shirt from the male whose immune system was the most different from their own.

I always knew humans were narcissistic. So now we know that we're attracted to men who look like us, remind us of our parents, and sweat a lot. Right.

Here's where it gets interesting:

There are three distinct types or stages of "love":

1. Lust, or erotic passion
2. Attraction, or romantic passion
3. Attachment, or commitment

When all three of these happen with the same person, you have a very strong bond. Sometimes, however, the one we lust after isn't the one we're actually in love with.

Sexologist John Money draws the line between love and lust in this way: "Love exists above the belt, lust below. Love is lyrical. Lust is lewd."

The attachment, or commitment, stage is love for the duration. You've passed fantasy love and are entering into real love. This stage of love has to be strong enough to withstand many problems and distractions

Playing a key role in this stage are oxytocin, vasopressin and endorphins, which are released when having sex.

It's all about the chemicals.

In romantic love, when two people have sex, oxytocin is released, which helps bond the relationship. According to researchers at the University of California, San Francisco, the hormone oxytocin has been shown to be "associated with the ability to maintain healthy interpersonal relationships and healthy psychological boundaries with other people." When it is released during orgasm, it begins creating an emotional bond -- the more sex, the greater the bond.

Vasopressin, an antidiuretic hormone, is another chemical that has been associated with the formation of long-term, monogamous relationships. Dr. Fisher believes that oxytocin and vasopressin interfere with the dopamine and norepinephrine pathways, which might explain why passionate love fades as attachment grows.

Endorphins produce a general sense of well-being, including feeling soothed, peaceful and secure. Like dopamine and norepinephrine, endorphins are released during sex; they are also released during physical contact, exercise and other activities. According to Michel Odent of London's Primal Health Research Center, endorphins induce a "drug-like dependency."

And now you technically know how to bottle that 'honeymoon' feeling.

According to Ted Huston at the University of Texas, the speed at which courtship progresses often determines the ultimate success of the relationship. What they found was that the longer the courtship, the stronger the long-term relationship.

The feelings of passionate love, however, do lose their strength over time. Studies have shown that passionate love fades quickly and is nearly gone after two or three years. The chemicals responsible for "that lovin' feeling" (adrenaline, dopamine, norepinephrine, phenylethylamine, etc.) dwindle.

Suddenly your lover has faults.

Gasp!


And that's what happens.


(Disclaimer: This was just excerpts of the more interesting bits from Howstuffworks.com)

50 Quotes from Coco Chanel

And now, suicide doors brings you "50 Quotes from Coco Chanel"!

1. A girl should be two things: classy and fabulous.
2. A woman has the age she deserves.
3. A woman who doesn't wear perfume has no future.
4. As long as you know men are like children, you know everything!
5. Don't spend time beating on a wall, hoping to transform it into a door.
6. Elegance does not consist of putting on a new dress.
7. Elegance is not the prerogative of those who have just escaped from adolescence, but of those who have already taken possession of their future.
8. Elegance is refusal.
9. Fashion fades, only style remains the same.
10. Fashion is architecture: it is a matter of proportions.
11. Fashion is made to become unfashionable.
12. Fashion is not something that exists in dresses only. Fashion is in the sky, in the street, fashion has to do with ideas, the way we live, what is happening.
13. Great loves too must be endured.
14. Guilt is perhaps the most painful companion of death.
15. How many cares one loses when one decides not to be something but to be someone.
16. I don't know why women want any of the things men have when one the things that women have is men.
17. I invented my life by taking for granted that everything I did not like would have an opposite, which I would like.
18. I never wanted to weigh more heavily on a man than a bird.
19. In order to be irreplaceable one must always be different.
20. It is the unseen, unforgettable, ultimate accessory of fashion that heralds your arrival and prolongs your departure.
21. Jump out the window if you are the object of passion. Flee it if you feel it. Passion goes, boredom remains.
22. Look for the woman in the dress. If there is no woman, there is no dress.
23. Luxury must be comfortable, otherwise it is not luxury.
24. My friends, there are no friends.
25. Nature gives you the face you have at twenty; it is up to you to merit the face you have at fifty.
26. Since everything is in our heads, we had better not lose them.
27. Some people think luxury is the opposite of poverty. It is not. It is the opposite of vulgarity.
28. Success is often achieved by those who don't know that failure is inevitable.
29. The most courageous act is still to think for yourself. Aloud.
30. There are people who have money and people who are rich.
31. There have been several Duchesses of Westminster but there is only one Chanel!
32. There is no time for cut-and-dried monotony. There is time for work. And time for love. That leaves no other time!
33. Those who create are rare; those who cannot are numerous. Therefore, the latter are stronger.
34. A fashion that does not reach the streets is not a fashion.
35. There is no fashion for the old.
36. Fashion has become a joke. The designers have forgotten that there are women inside the dresses. Most women dress for men and want to be admired. But they must also be able to move, to get into a car without bursting their seams! Clothes must have a natural shape.
37. "Where should one use perfume?" a young woman asked. "Wherever one wants to be kissed," I said.
38. Legend is the consecration of celebrity.
39. The best color in the whole world, is the one that looks good, on you!
40. A woman is closest to being naked when she is well dressed.
41. Luxury must be comfortable, otherwise it is not luxury.
42. A style does not go out of style as long as it adapts itself to its period. When there is an incompatibility between the style and a certain state of mind, it is never the style that triumphs.
43. I love luxury. And luxury lies not in richness and ornateness but in the absence of vulgarity. Vulgarity is the ugliest word in our language. I stay in the game to fight it.
44. Dress shabbily and they remember the dress; dress impeccably and they remember the woman.
45. I've never done anything by halves.
46. Innovation! One cannot be forever innovating. I want to create classics.
47. Youth is something very new: twenty years ago no one mentioned it.
48. Why am I so determined to put the shoulder where it belongs? Women have very round shoulders that push forward slightly; this touches me and I say: 'One must not hide that!' Then someone tells you: 'The shoulder is on the back'. I have never seen women with shoulders on their backs.
49. If a man talks bad about all women, it usually means he was burned by one woman.
50. Success is often achieved by those who don't know that failure is inevitable.

(Source: BrainyQuote, About.com: Women History, ThinkExist.com, Great-Inspirational-Quotes.com, Just-quotes.com)

Why? Because I can.

Found cameras and orphan pictures

I found this website through Postsecret which I thought was pretty cool and good use of internet real estate. It's called Found cameras and orphan pictures at http://ifoundyourcamera.blogspot.com/. If you've found a camera or some pictures, you send it in in the hopes that the person who lost it will see it and claim it.

And in the spirit of telling secrets and found cameras, I will tell you my found camera secret.

At the school prom when I was 12 or 13 or some such age when life was still sweet and I was still naive, we had to check in our cameras at the coat room, because cameras weren't allowed inside. On the way out, it turns out the tags on some cameras had fallen off so they weren't sure which one was mine. They held up one camera that looked exactly like mine (because it was the same model, obviously), so I just took that one. Turns out it wasn't mine and I had some photos of a rather skanky young lady. I wish this website existed then.

Now that's just bad taste

From Reuters: Shop pulls "Lolita" bed for young girls:

LONDON (Reuters) - A chain of retail stores in Britain has withdrawn the sale of beds named Lolita and designed for six-year-old girls after furious parents pointed out that the name was synonymous with sexually active pre-teens.

Woolworths said staff who administer the web site selling the beds were not aware of the connection.

In "Lolita," a 1955 novel by Vladimir Nabokov, the narrator becomes sexually involved with his 12-year-old stepdaughter -- but Woolworths staff had not heard of the classic novel or two subsequent films based on it.

Hence they saw nothing wrong with advertising the Lolita Midsleeper Combi, a whitewashed wooden bed with pull-out desk and cupboard intended for girls aged about six until a concerned mother raised the alarm on a parenting website.

"What seems to have happened is the staff who run the website had never heard of Lolita, and to be honest no one else here had either," a spokesman told British newspapers.

"We had to look it up on (online encyclopedia) Wikipedia. But we certainly know who she is now."

Woolworths said the product had now been dropped.

Never heard of Lolita? Ya. Sure. And I thought the Americans didn't read. Incidently, for those who care, Lolita is a very surprisingly well-written book. I'm hoping that that's why it became a classic, and not because of its content.

What's even worse is this one from Reuters: Scandal gnaws at Buddha's holy tree in India:

BODH GAYA, India (Reuters) - Tales of corruption, looting and religious rivalry are swirling around the spot where Buddha is said to have gained enlightenment in eastern India some 2,500 years ago, sullying one of Buddhism's holiest sites.

Buddhist scriptures describe it as the "Navel of the Earth", and 100,000 pilgrims and tourists visit every year, packing the town of Bodh Gaya in Bihar state and its Mahabodhi Temple.

But with the tourists and pilgrims comes money, and with the money has come mounting charges of less than saintly behavior.

Priests and monks allege that thousands of dollars in temple donations have mysteriously vanished, that a thick branch of the ancient holy Bodhi tree was lopped off and sold in Thailand in 2006, and that ancient relics have disappeared.

Charges have been brought against the powerful former secretary of the Bodhgaya Temple Management Committee, a Hindu, as well as the committee's former public relations officer and the former Buddhist chief priest of the temple.

A police report obtained by Reuters accuses the three men of "nefarious activities" and asks for their private wealth to be investigated.

Witnesses questioned by police said the priest had ordered an employee to cut off "substantial parts" of the tree and take them to his home.

The trio were also accused of selling off fallen leaves to pilgrims and pocketing the proceeds.

Former temple secretary Kalicharan Yadav denies the allegations, saying the branch was removed in 1978 when the tree was pruned, and said the charges against him were political, trumped up only after his party lost power in Bihar.

I love how people mix religion with politics. Love it.

Malaysian pride

From The Star: Burglar who slept on the job nabbed after family returns home:

KUALA TERENGGANU: It could have been a scene out of the old favourite bedtime story Goldilocks and the Three Bears.

A burglar actually helped himself to Chinese New Year delicacies at a house at the Petani Flats on Saturday evening and promptly dozed off on a bed, scaring the occupants when they returned home from a nearby shopping complex.

The unwelcome guest, in his mid 30s, was found sleeping comfortably on the bed with the blanket pulled over him.

The family called the police, who shook the burglar from his slumber and took him away.

V. Sathya, 39, and his 30-year-old wife Wong Chee Chu, had gone shopping for Chinese New Year at Kampung Cina at noon together with their children, Kavelan, nine, and Shalini, six.

The boy was shocked when he entered his room to see a man sleeping in his bed.

“He shouted and ran out of his room. Even then the burglar did not wake up and carried on sleeping while holding on to one of my wife’s purses,” said Sathya.

Despite the loss, Sathya and his family plan to hold an open house for family members and friends.

Burglars are not welcome.

This journalist has a sense of humor. I like it.

From The Star: Two top concert promoters team up:

PETALING JAYA: Two of the country’s top concert promoters – Galaxy Group and Arianna Event Management – have joined forces to further elevate the English concert entertainment scene in Malaysia.

A new establishment, Artiste World, has been set up by Galaxy Group to focus solely on Western international gigs. Arianna Teoh has been appointed as the executive director of the new company while Alan Chan will be its managing director.

Hopefully this means we get more people coming.

From The Star: Online petition for Nian Ning:

PENANG: Friends of Lee Nian Ning, a medical student who died in a bus accident on Jan 25, have set up a website to seek signatures for a petition on express bus safety that they will send to the Transport Ministry after Chinese New Year.

There is also an online forum at the website (http:// www.buscrashnomore.blogspot.com) to discuss bus crashes in Malaysia.

Universiti Kebangsaan Malaysia law student Teo Lee Ken said the site had already received 17,000 hits and 3,750 e-signatures since it was set up on Jan 28.

He said the website with the theme: ‘If this happened to her, it can happen to you’ targeted students who use public buses.

“We don’t know how much we can change the situation but we know that something needs to be done and someone has to start something,” he told reporters while collecting signatures after the memorial service for Nian Ning at Mahindrama Buddhist Temple yesterday.

Nian Ning, 21, a medical student and Public Services Department scholar at the University of New South Wales in Australia, was killed in an accident when the double-decker express bus she boarded from Penang to Kuala Lumpur crashed near Slim River at 5.55pm on Jan 25.

I approve of this. Instead of just complaining and bitching like most Malaysians (esp. certain uncles) do, they do something about it. It gives me hope. Sniff.

From NST: Organ Donation Board set up:

GEORGE TOWN: An Organ Donation Board has been set up by the Health Ministry to ensure all records of organ donors and recipients are up to date. The board will act as the intermediary between the donor, the receiver and the hospital. Health Ministry parliamentary secretary Datuk Lee Kah Choon said the board would comprise professionals who "are there to conduct research and document organ donations".

Finally. I'm an organ donor. Don't know if they'll actually want to take anything from me la, but I'm giving them the option to.

From NST: Cave temples 'can rival Angkor Wat':

IPOH: With the right kind of promotion, the unique cave temples in the Kinta Valley can put the former tin capital of the world on the international spiritual heritage trail along with Borobudor and Angkor Wat.

The more than 30 temples nestled in the valley's limestone outcrops have been drawing domestic tourists for years. They come to pay obeisance to the numerous deities, or simply to marvel at the exquisite structures.

Benita Premchand, of Kuala Lumpur, has conducted extensive research on the caves and she says that more effort should be made to draw foreign tourists to the limestone outcrops and cave temples. Be it the 300-odd steps of the Perak Tong in Jalan Kuala Kangsar, or the scores of deities at the Kek Look Tong in Jalan Gopeng, she says these beautiful structures could be packaged attractively and promoted as part of the world spiritual heritage trail.

"The Kinta Valley, especially the stretch between north and south Ipoh, has the highest concentration of cave temples in the country. Arguably, this is the most diverse and vibrant use of caves anywhere in the world.

"These temples are unique to the Kinta Valley and in the last 150 years, their existence has enriched the historical, religious, social, cultural and spiritual lives of people in the valley."

The spiritual heritage of the valley dates back almost 1,400 years, as evidenced from the idols and prayer items found when miners were digging for tin.

Anyone want to go? I'm all up for this.