I will/I won't

I felt the urge earlier to write a poem. That was a blast from the past. Haven't written anything in probably 4 years at least. Am I regressing? Am I wishing for a time long gone?

Probably, yes. I think I'm longing for a time when I was still bright-eyed and bushy-tailed, when I was still the 'ice queen', could keep myself protected in my little fortress of solitude and all was right with the world.

Now I find myself longing to tell people,

'No, I don't want to hang out with you because you will make me want things that I don't want, you will make me long for things that I don't want to long for, you will make me step outside my fortress and make me long for a life that will destroy me.

'I will schmooze when I need to, I will be the social butterfly when it is required of me, I will conform to that fit that people-shaped hole in your mind that you think I belong in when it is called for.

'I will be the cool aunt, the crazy cat lady, the girl with standards that were too high so she didn't get married, the woman who's too independent and couldn't find a man. I will do this for as long as it takes until I can carve my own little cave out of life and fill it with the love that I need. 

You have what you want of me. Let me be.