How not to make a website

So I've been assigned the task of organising my department's CNY dinner, which means for the past couple of days I've been scouring websites for possible locations and phone numbers. And of course, what's been happening is I've been coming across more websites that are totally and utterly useless in providing information than usual, no names mentioned (SOHO KL).

Here's a few tips about what people don't want to see when they go to a website:

1. If your text is almost the same color as your background and I can't read it, your website is crap.
2. If I can't find the scroll function to scroll down the list of outlets, your website is crap.
3. If I want to find your Store Directory and you call it "Outlet Preview", your website is crap.
4. If your website takes too long to load, your website is crap.
5. If my flash is v10.0.12 and you have popups appearing that say your website requires v9.0.115 or higher to function, your website is crap (Red FM).
6. If I click 'Contact Us' and it doesn't go anywhere, your website is crap (Fly FM)
7. If your business depends on your customers having your menu, and your website requires you signing up to download your .pdf menu, you fail at life (Room Service Deliveries).
8. If I click anywhere on the page outside the text and it redirects to the top of the page, your website is crap (The Superficial).

This list may or may not get longer over time. Most likely, it may.