The addiction

I miss Sipadan. I really truly do. Maybe it's because The Cowboy emailed me telling me how awesome it is and how happy he is. Maybe it's because my work doesn't make me as happy as I am when I'm there.

Sure, I could argue that I love it only because it's a holiday, and if I were doing it for a living, the shine would be gone. You could say that if I did it, I'd have to be up early at like 6a.m. everyday and I'd have to deal with people that I probably wouldn't like on a daily basis.

But this is where it's the difference between marrying a guy that you know is safe, and while the sex is "alright laa..", you know your life will be uncomplicated and your kids will definitely go to uni; and a guy who gives you mindblowing sex, makes everyday exciting, and while you're not sure your kids will have the best education that money can provide, they may at least grow up a little bit distanced from the worrying world tha twe live in.

I can see myself marrying both guys, and in the first case, I see myself waking up age 50, being ridiculously bored and living a mundane existence, and while I'm happy that I've produced children, they probably don't listen to me and I die a little inside everytime they don't, while being in denial. In the other, I wake up age 50 knowing that I'm living the life that I've always pictured for myself, even though I never had a clear outlook until I went there. Sure, it's a bit harder to figure out, but I'm happy.

I'm not getting married. It's a metaphor.