The Datin Illusion

The Illusion:

Having been born and raised in Malaysia, I'm well aware of the connotations associated with the word "Datin". Being a "Datin" means that a lady is a diva in the worst sense. Being a "Datin" means a lady is arrogant and selfish, ridiculously extravagant and a snob.

Today I'd like to shed some light on the Plight of the Datin.

The Truth:

The atypical Datin got the raw end of the deal. They were born in a time when The Careerwoman was not yet born, and they were expected by their families, friends and husbands to stay home and take care of the household. They bore children and gave their lives to their kids, being the driver from day to night. They ran the household, making sure there was always food on the table for the husband, and supported the husband in his career.

The Datin is never taken seriously. As the children grow older, they place no value on the Datin's opinion. The husband considers the Datin his intellectual inferior in worldly matters, because how would she know? She doesn't work. The Datin's careerwomen friends look on her with slight pity because she will never know what it is to understand politics and business.

When the husband becomes a Datuk, the Datin finally has a sense of pride. Her job was to support her husband and help him make his way in the world. The acknowledgement of his success in his field was acknowledgement of her success. Hence the phrase, "Call me Datin".

The Modern Datin:

The Datin must have the most frustrating life. In today's world, choosing to be a housewife is looked down on, but it's the most selfless career in the world. They ensure the well-being of their families before their own. Once that choice is made, they're never again taken seriously, and their opinions are considered uninformed.

Today's Datins are the driving force behind social work in Malaysia. With their kids all grown up, they have time to themselves and look for someone to take them seriously. These ladies set up charitable funds, organise fund-raisers and awareness campaigns, and help the most needy of Malaysians in the most remote parts of Malaysia. Social rights are truly a luxury good.

The Plight:

And yet, Datins are still considered useless and arrogant.

The reason I put this up is because lately I've tried putting myself in other people's shoes (whichI think I may have done too successfully), and I found myself in my mum's. Her children are ridiculously ungrateful, and her husband is always placed on a pedestal with her far behind. She's barely been recognised for her social efforts which have been amazing for one person, and her efforts at home even less so. People still look down on her because she wouldn't know. She's a Datin.

My superior now has a major chip on her shoulder. She's done things like emergency response to natural disasters, and now nobody is good enough. Social initiatives involving those who are better off are automatically put down and sneered upon, and she laughs at the women who want to be called Datin as a point of pride.

If she were born two generations before, I can't imagine how she'd survive.