Ophidiophobe

I have ophidiophobia. I don't think it's a secret to anyone who's known me for more than 2 days.

Main Entry: ophidiophobia
Part of Speech: n
Definition: a fear of snakes; also called ophiophobia
Etymology: Greek ophidion 'small snake'
From Dictionary.com

So now that you've learned a new word, my point is this: I hate when I tell people that I have a fear of snakes, that they decide to tell me things like, "But you should just go and touch one and it'll be fine and you won't be afraid anymore!" as if I live in a TV sitcom where all my insecurities, fears and problems can be solved in just one fun-filled, you'll laugh at this later, wholesome event that fits in a 30-minute or 60-minute time slot.

I am an ophidiophobe, and I stand by my fear. It's not an irrational fear. Snakes can kill you. Snakes can kill you in a very real and painful and sadistic manner. Seriously. Ever try looking at a python's teeth? Google Images it. Go on. I'll wait.

There you go. And the beauty of this beast is that they're indigenous to Malaysia, and no, not somewhere outside of KL, but in the very heart of it. Both family homes that I've lived in during my lifetime have had snake problems ranging from 6' pythons being found in the house to nests of King Cobras.

Again, I reiterate, my ophidiophobia is a rational fear and a fear based on the basic human instinct of survival and not being eaten alive. It's not an irrational fear of an animal that only lives in a country I'll never visit, or of inexistant monsters that go bump in the night, or of non-life threatening insects like spiders.

I have tried to deal with this fear in several ways. Well, just one way, really, which consisted of me going to the snake zoo-like place (whatever it's called) in Langkawi one fine day. I walked through it at a leisurely pace, I looked at the snakes, I kept getting mini heart attacks everytime my ponytail touched the back of my neck, and I got through the whole thing.

And yes, I'm still an ophidiophobe. And I'm proud of it. Leave me alone.

What? Complaints?

From The Star: Actor flees Jais raid on fiancee's home without his clothes:

A TV actor tried to make a quick escape – minus his clothes – when Selangor Religious Department (Jais) officers raided his fiancee’s apartment in Petaling Jaya, reported Harian Metro.

The 20-something actor, who appears in a mystic and horror TV series, managed to climb to the next unit’s balcony on the fifth floor at 3am recently.

Five Jais officers raided the apartment after receiving complaints from neighbours that the actor and his fiancee would meet up frequently at her home.

The woman, also in her 20s and an assistant producer in the TV series, told the officers that she lived alone.

The woman, who was dressed in a sleeveless top and skimpy shorts, allowed officers into her room where they found a pair of men’s trousers and shirt.

Jais Special Force Unit chief Shahrom Maarop said: “Further inspection found signs that a person had exited through the balcony.”

The officers then went next door and found a few male foreigners living in the apartment.

One of the officers spotted a man who had wrapped himself with the curtains near the balcony.

“Officers questioned the actor who tried to pose as one of the foreigners. But the ruse did not work as his accent and skin colour were different from the occupants.

“The actor finally admitted that he had been sleeping at the woman’s home and that they were engaged,” Shahrom said.

They were detained for questioning and released on bail.

What? Who complained? And more specifically, apparently they complained that these 2 are always at her home. Methinks the chick pissed off one of her neighbours. That kind of makes people want to call Jais. Am I right, Bitcheline?

Accident? Ya, Right.

From Reuters: Warship fires on village by accident:

MOSCOW (Reuters) - The Russian navy said on Friday that one of its anti-submarine ships had fired artillery at a village by mistake, state RIA news agency reported.

The navy said no-one had been injured when a small anti-submarine ship on Thursday opened fire on a village in the Vyborg region of St Petersburg.

"On the 28 May, a small anti-submarine ship from the Baltic fleet was working on a host of exercises in the gulf of Finland including artillery fire at aerial targets," RIA quoted a navy spokesman as saying. "No-one was injured."

Russia's navy has been plagued by a series of mishaps since the collapse of the Soviet Union, including the Kursk submarine disaster in 2000 in which 118 sailors died.

More like sailors going, "Let's see who can get closest to hitting that church steeple!"

I will/I won't

I felt the urge earlier to write a poem. That was a blast from the past. Haven't written anything in probably 4 years at least. Am I regressing? Am I wishing for a time long gone?

Probably, yes. I think I'm longing for a time when I was still bright-eyed and bushy-tailed, when I was still the 'ice queen', could keep myself protected in my little fortress of solitude and all was right with the world.

Now I find myself longing to tell people,

'No, I don't want to hang out with you because you will make me want things that I don't want, you will make me long for things that I don't want to long for, you will make me step outside my fortress and make me long for a life that will destroy me.

'I will schmooze when I need to, I will be the social butterfly when it is required of me, I will conform to that fit that people-shaped hole in your mind that you think I belong in when it is called for.

'I will be the cool aunt, the crazy cat lady, the girl with standards that were too high so she didn't get married, the woman who's too independent and couldn't find a man. I will do this for as long as it takes until I can carve my own little cave out of life and fill it with the love that I need. 

You have what you want of me. Let me be.

What would a woman have said?

I saw the following caption on Reuters' Weird News, Odd News, Funny News Stories page:

Man tried to hire prostitute for his son, 14
LONDON (Reuters) - A man who tried to hire a prostitute to take his 14-year-old son's virginity as a present was spared jail by a court on Friday.

And I thought, the judge has to be a man. And guess what? It was! From Reuters: Man tried to hire prostitute for his son, 14:

LONDON (Reuters) - A man who tried to hire a prostitute to take his 14-year-old son's virginity as a present was spared jail by a court on Friday.

The Polish national took the boy out in his car and allowed him to pick out the prostitute, who was standing at the side of the road in the red-light district of Nottingham.

But the 42-year-old father was arrested because the teenager had chosen an undercover police officer, Nottingham Crown Court heard.

The man, who cannot be named for legal reasons, was handed a 10-month prison sentence, suspended for a year, after he admitted a charge of trying to solicit a woman to have sex with a child, the Press Association reported.

The court heard that the father, who came to Britain eight years ago, was arrested last July during an undercover operation by the city's vice squad.

Prosecutor Adrian Harris said the man and his son had approached the undercover officer whose code name was Sarah and beckoned her over .

He asked "Sarah" how much it would cost for her to have sex with his son and they agreed on a 20 pound fee. However, when the car pulled over, the man was arrested by plainclothes police officers.

"The boy said that they had driven past the girl and his dad pointed to her and said 'will she do?'" Harris said.

"He said 'yes' and they had turned round. He said his dad did this because he was still a virgin and he was taking care of that for him."

Judge Jonathan Teare said he would spare the father jail because of his excellent character and that he believed he did not mean any harm to his son.

"You have a duty of care to your son and that is to look after his moral welfare, not as you might think to break him in to the ways of sex through a prostitute," he said.

The court was told the boy would continue to live with his father.

I'm guessing that a female judge would have ruled in a completely different manner. The ruling would probably have included such words as 'depraved', 'sexual maniac', 'irrepairable psychological damage', 'unfit parent' and 'propagating sexual deviance and human trafficking'. But no, the guy lucked out and got a male judge and a slap on the wrist. Hmm.